Somone on tumblr, way back when: I miss being dominated physically - a hand on my throat and a hand pulling my hair
I’ve grown to love pulling hair and handling throats. But I’m not much into harm (and I’d rather stick with safer ways of indulging my fledgling sadistic streak, thank you very much 😅), I’m into dominant control.
So here’s how I like to do it:
It’s fun to back your partner up against a wall. You step close, into their personal space. If they’re shorter they have to look up at you, which is sexy. But the look of excitement and anticipation in their eyes and on their lips is priceless regardless of height. Okay.
Whether kissing them or not, put your fingers against their cheek. Stroke their face, trace their jawline, down the side of their neck. Pressing very gently upwards with your thumb and forefinger can encourage them to tilt their head back, just a little.
Then you place your thumb on the other side of their neck.
Now, I’m not into breath play, it freaks me out. I’m not trying to restrict any air or blood flow, I just place my hand there, around their throat. Just the tiniest amount of pressure, just enough to feel their pulse in the pads of my fingers and thumb, their heartbeat in stereo on both sides of their neck.
This is a good time to kiss them, or, if you already are, to break off kissing just long enough to whisper something in their ear. What you whisper is private, between you and them, so I’m just gonna leave it at that.
Now, the hair. I was introduced to hair-pulling by a partner who wanted it during sex, and admittedly I thought that was a little strange. But she showed me what’s up. She didn’t want me to, like, tug at her hair. She wanted me to take it firmly in hand and exert a slowly increasing amount of pressure as we went.
She being a bit of a masochist, I reckon the sensation felt good. But if I had to capture what else she was feeling, and I put it that way because I don’t remember if we discussed it or not, it helped her feel wanted. Taken. Nowadays, I grok that desire. Yum.
So back to their back against the wall. Kissing is a great time to get your hands all over each other’s face and neck and hair, because it intensifies those same feelings of need and lust and, oh God, they want me so much and I want them so much, and… etc.
With one hand on their throat, pressing them against the wall, it’s nice to put your other hand around the back of their head, so as you drive them backwards with your passionate whatever you’re doing, the back of their head isn’t grinding against the drywall. This is just good manners, frankly, and it also reduces damage to the paint.
Anyway, while your hand is back there, curl your fingers in their hair and start pulling. No quick tugs, just apply a little pressure, and then increase that pressure slowly and steadily. If they don’t have long hair (he realised, stepping back slightly from the elaborate fantasy he’s visualising) you may need to slide your hand up to the top of their head first, but the same principle applies. Even with long hair, you may find they can withstand a firmer grip nearer the roots.
Okay. You have gradually established firm control over the other person’s head and neck. This can be much more intense than those words sound; we protect those parts of our bodies reflexively, and giving up control of them to someone else makes us feel (and be) extremely vulnerable. This sort of touch requires enthusiastic consent, of course, and the moments where your thumb first touches their neck and where your fingers first curl in their hair are both ideal times to check in and make sure they like what you’re doing. Are we clear?
Now. You gently pull their head back, make them expose their neck to you. Let your other hand slide down the throat to their collarbone. Press against it—gently, it’s delicate—so they continue to feel held against the wall. And now, kiss down from their lips, down their chin, and jaw, and down, down, down the soft, soft, sensitive arch of their throat.
My response to the OP: I hope you don’t mind me taking the thought you shared and running with it. But I feel you, for real, and my response to loneliness is fantasy, and my (best) response to fantasy when I can’t act it out is to write. So, seven-hundred words of... this. And I recognise reading this could make you feel even more lonely, but I hope it will instead make you feel less, knowing there are so many people out in the trackless dark with this same deep longing. And, in the fullness of time, you can surely find some who will lovingly pull your hair and adoringly hold your throat.